Let’s be honest: While some men might need a little learning and training, most aren’t selfish—they truly want to make their partner feel good. They just don’t always know what works, and they just haven’t been taught how.

The good news? He wants to get it right — he just needs a little direction. That’s where your voice matters. And trust us, a little guidance can make a big difference.

Here’s how to gently (and effectively) teach a man how to properly give. 

1. Communication Is the Sexiest Skill

The biggest myth? That he should “just know what to do.”

No two bodies are the same — what worked for his last partner may not work for you. So tell him what feels good. How is he supposed to know if you don't tell him? He will never know.

It doesn’t need to be a lecture. You can say things like:

• When he's in a good spot, tell him, "Ohh, stay right there, that's the spot."
• If he moves, grab him by the hair/head and direct him that way. " That's what I like." 
• "play with my ass too" 
• "Yes, just like that…"

The Best thing a girl ever did was just tell me what she wanted and where she wanted it.

The Best thing ever done as a man was to ask.

2. The Charm of Body Language

If verbally is difficult for you, guide him with your body language. 

• Putting his mouth where you want it.

• Guide his hands with your own.

• Shift your hips to help him find the right angle or pressure.

And don’t underestimate the power of your moans, gasps, and breath — those are signals he can pick up on in real time.

3. Direct Instructions

Give direct instructions. Avoid saying things that sound like insults or frustration. The more specific you are, the more likely he’ll remember and repeat it.

Try:

"You were doing perfectly, and nearly got me there until you changed to this. Just keep doing this exactly."

"Right there — don’t stop."

"Use your fingers too… yes, like that."

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Try to avoid telling him what he's doing wrong unless you have a suggestion for what to do instead, and are ready to follow up with. It should always end with an instruction or reward.

Try to keep the criticisms from sounding accusatory. Instead of saying,

"I hate it when you do this."

"It doesn't really feel good there."

"This thing feels weird to me".

It will keep him from getting defensive. 

4. Keep the Focus on What You Like

Avoid telling him what he is doing is necessarily wrong in general; just say that this particular action doesn't work for you. He will be much more receptive because you are the expert on you.

Avoid saying:

“Women don’t like that.”

Instead try:

“That doesn’t really feel good for me. But what I do love is this…”

Framing it as your preference takes the pressure off him and keeps the mood sexy, not defensive.

5. Don't Fall into Ego Traps: Rejection vs. Redirection

Even the most confident guy can get thrown off by criticism. So rather than pointing out what he’s doing wrong, tell him exactly what works for you. 

If you're concerned about him losing face or taking an ego hit, make it appear to be a personal quirk or something, but be specific about what you want him to do.

Instead of:

“That’s not working.”

Say:

"Ouch, don't do it that way."

"Oooohhh.... Do more of that... "

Give feedback like a GPS: don’t yell when he makes a wrong turn — just calmly reroute him.

6. Make Instructions Sexy, Not Clinical

Don’t be afraid to turn direction into dirty talk.

When giving instructions, as much as possible, use words that make it exciting or enticing. 

"When you do this, I melt."

"You wanna know what really drives me wild?"

"When you do this, it makes me want to hop on top of you and ride you like a stallion afterwards."

These kinds of phrases will make him give it way more emphasis and pay much more attention.  Every guy can't resist the idea that they are learning cheat codes for pleasing or arousing their women.

7. Keep Communicating During Foreplay

Keep positive communication while he is performing on you. 

• Tell him when you want him to use his fingers or tongue
• How much pressure can he apply on the clit, speed, depth, rhythm, etc? 

Let him know that checking in isn’t awkward — it’s sexy.

Bonus: Suggest Helpful Resources

If your partner is open to learning more, consider recommending a trusted book like She Comes First by Ian Kerner, which was pretty informative.

Conclusion

Pleasure is a shared journey—not a solo performance. When you share what you love, how you want it, and why it turns you on, you’re not just making sex better — you’re building trust, confidence, and connection.

Want to make guiding him feel sexy, not awkward? Frame it as you want him to, now what works specifically for you, since everyone's different.

The simple truth is the praise — not criticism — is what encourages us to want to continually improve.