Let's face facts… sex role play can increase the intimacy in your relationship.
Sometimes in a long-term relationship, the sex can fall into a routine, following the same old pattern and become boring. Sometimes we find ourselves wanting to try something new, but not knowing where to start. Role-playing is one of the easiest ways to add a little bit of pizzazz and spice into the bedroom. It brings the fun back into the sex life.
You and your partner have fantasies. You may have revealed them or not. These fantasies involve pretending to be other people. You can be in a different place, becoming different people. Incorporating these ideas will spice up your sex life. Think Phil and Claire from Modern Family. They pretend to be Clive and Juliana. This spices up their sex life. They pretend to cheat on each other, with each other.
It's kinda cute, methinks.
Understandably, role-playing with your spouse can be scary. It might feel awkward or uncomfy at first. This is especially true when you are new to it. But like everything, practice and communication help. It will get much better. It will lead to many toe-curling, screaming orgasms. So let's start with role-play 101. This lesson will increase intimacy in your relationship. Spice up your sexy times and get comfortable.
Reassurance is romantic
Talking about sex is scary. This is true even in long-term relationships. It is so intimate and deeply personal. This can make us feel very nervous. There's fear of speaking about our wants or desires. We fear feeling inadequate. We may fear making our partner feel unsatisfied.
Being sexual doesn't remove insecurities or vulnerabilities. This applies even in committed relationships. So, reassure your partner first. Tell them you love what you have. Say you enjoy your sex life. Ask if they are okay discussing sexual desires/fantasies. Ease into it slowly, don't rush.
Some examples of conversation starters:
''You know what, we've never talked about this and I'm really nervous…''
''I've been doing this course. Please don't make fun of me. I would love to talk to you about it.''
''Are you open to talking about what turns you on?''
''I'm really curious about what you like…''
If talking face-to-face scares you, write it down. You can talk on the phone or text each other. The important thing is to just talk.
Understand each other's boundaries and safe words
Okay, before you become different people, discuss things. Talk about what you want and don't want to do. You need to understand and respect each other's needs. For example, it might be one night a year for you. Your spouse might want it monthly. Some use role-play to act out fantasies. Whatever it is, make sure it works for both.
''Communicating with your partner about sex role play is necessary here.''
IMPORTANT: Please also have a safe word—if either you or your partner uses it, everything should stop. Straight away.
How to decide what to role-play
You can create a character on the spot. Or, you can take time to figure it out. The easiest thing is to be a different person. Maybe it's your alter-ego, like Clive and Juliana. You don't need to change your appearance. Use a different name and act differently. Pretend it's your first date again.
You can also decide who to role-play based on your fantasies. What turns you on? Is it a student/teacher scenario? A plumber and the owner of a gorgeous penthouse? A famous singer and a groupie? A nurse/patient? Two roommates? Two strangers meeting at a café? Base your role-play on what turns you on.
You can add costumes, wigs included.
To be fair, yes, you might feel a little awkward and weird and giggly at first but that's natural. Even if you start laughing, it's fine—it's a cute memory you both share. Just start with something small.
Don't freak out if you feel silly
It can feel intimidating if you're not used to it. You might feel like you don't know what to do. Neither of you is a professional actor, I assume. But it is fine. It's different, new, and exciting. It will take time to get used to. It will be a fun game with your partner. It takes practice.
Change location
You can change the location from your usual place. Clive and Juliana meet at bars, restaurants, or hotels. You can walk in the park and catch each other's eyes. Feed the ducks together. Or, see each other across a local café. Finish it all off in the bedroom. This can be a hotel or your home. You can even change locations within your home. Turn your kitchen into a little bar. Set out drinks and glasses. Let your imagination go wild. Get creative and have fun. The possibilities are endless.
Examples of scenarios you can try out
- Strangers
- Boss/employee
- Teacher/student
- Guest/maid
- Nurse or doctor/patient
- Fitness instructor/student
- Landlord/tenant
- Best friends
- Roommate
- Long-distance—try Skype/FaceTime sex even if you're not in an LDR
- Massage therapist
- Food delivery
- Non-monogamy—one person remains themselves and the other is a stranger
- Photographer and model
Don't be scared to really act
It's totally fine to get super into it. After all, it's your fantasy. It's something fun to do. Role-playing is about becoming someone else. It brings your desires to life with your partner. It's an adventurous way to try your dreams. If you try something and don't like it, try another. Like most things, it's about trying and realizing. Do you enjoy it or not? Sex is about knowing what you like. This brings you closer as a couple. You have fun trying something new.
Sumaiya Ahmed is a lifestyle journalist and writer. She aims to break down cultural stigma. She addresses shame attached to mental health and sexuality. This is especially true within South Asian culture. She brings marginalized topics to light.
Leave a comment