Break Up Therapy: It Will Pass

Accepting Your Emotions

The first step is understanding the emotional stages we will go through after a breakup. By recognizing these stages, we can understand that what we are feeling is entirely normal, which helps us maintain a calmer mindset. Only by accepting our emotions can we begin to change them.

• Denial: Right after a breakup, it's often difficult to accept. There is usually a period of struggling to accept reality.
• Anger: Once we start accepting the end of the relationship, anger typically follows. We may feel anger toward our ex, or even toward ourselves or the whole situation.
• Bargaining: We all know the advice, "Never contact your ex," and this becomes especially important during this phase. After the anger subsides, we may begin to reminisce about the good times, recall our ex's positive traits, and even entertain the thought of reconciliation. Recognizing this tendency is helpful because it means you understand you’re going through withdrawal, and getting back together won’t resolve the issues—it will only lead to further pain.
• Depression: After realizing the relationship is beyond repair, we may enter a period of despair. We might binge-eat or have no appetite at all. This stage is one that we need to overcome, and it’s where we should focus our energy.
• Acceptance: Eventually, we start accepting that we’ve exited each other's lives. This process may feel uncomfortable or even shameful, but it doesn’t mean we need to immediately jump into a new relationship to escape these feelings. We can find other ways to bring happiness into our lives.

Tips for Break Up Therapy

1. Crying

If you feel sad, cry. It's not shameful at all—in fact, it can be a very effective way of releasing pent-up emotions. Each time you cry, it’s as though a weight has been lifted off your chest. While it may not solve any practical problems, it will bring emotional relief.

Everyone has their own threshold for sadness. If you cry repeatedly over the same thing in a short time, the first few times will soak your pillow, but as time passes, your emotional threshold will rise. You'll cry less and less until the event no longer triggers your tears.

 

2. Talking it Out

Don’t bottle up your thoughts. Talk to a trusted friend. Vent your anger, express your self-blame. If you don’t have someone to talk to, try chatting with an AI—it may surprise you. Of course, writing in a journal is also an excellent way to record your emotions and clear your mind.

 

3. Don’t Reconnect

Breakups often cause us to overlook the problems in the relationship and magnify our ex’s positive qualities. In the short term, we might feel that we truly miss them. But you must understand: perhaps it’s not that you still love them, but that you fear losing them. Create a "substitute reward system": for every moment you resist the urge to contact them, put 10 dollars into a piggy bank. Once it adds up, reward yourself with something you've always wanted but didn’t buy.

 

4. Have Some Fun

While we strongly advise against jumping into a new relationship immediately after a breakup for healing, we do encourage you to satisfy your own desires. Choose a beautiful and functional toy for yourself—no need to please anyone, no need to impress anyone. Fully immerse yourself in the world of your own desires and enjoy your own climax, at your own pace and rhythm. The pleasure from a small toy will help your body forget your ex.

5. Get Out of the Home

Don’t stay cooped up at home. Go out and exercise. Physical activity will help improve your mood. Take the time you would have spent with your ex and use it to meet friends, travel, or learn something you’ve always wanted to try. Cultivate a new hobby, invest your time and energy back into yourself, and let your "new achievements" help offset the feeling of "loss."

 

6. Compliment Yourself

After a breakup, it’s easy to fall into self-doubt and think that we’re not good enough. You can write down one of your strengths every day. If this feels hard at first, try a different approach—whenever you think of your ex, write down one of their flaws. For example: "He/She ignored me for a week with emotional coldness, which made me anxious and unable to sleep." Don’t blame yourself entirely for the breakup. The fact that it happened is simply proof that you weren’t the right match for each other.

 

Breakups are painful, but they also offer a chance for personal growth. By accepting our emotions, releasing negative feelings, and having honest conversations with ourselves, we can gradually step out of the shadow and rediscover self-love and faith. True healing begins with accepting our imperfections, embracing the lessons from the relationship, and using that knowledge to move forward with strength.