How sex toys help us in real life

The first vibrators ever were invented by doctors because they used to treat women with “hysteria” by giving them orgasms. Eventually the doctors’ hands would get tired and they had to invent a toy to give the woman the orgasm instead of them by hand. We have come very far since then in the array of toys you can now play with.

Using sex toys is an investment for ourselves

Nowadays there are so many options and the truth is, there is something out there for everyone. Some people need toys to orgasm- and that is absolutely fine, normal and should not be shamed. Sex toy stigma is so outdated. As a sex coach, I applaud sex toys and the use of sex toys by my clients. Often women will have their first ever orgasm with a toy. And from there they maybe learn to come from their hand or from a partner. But a toy helps them figure out what an orgasm is, and how their body likes to achieve it.

When you use a sex toy, you are investing in your sexual pleasure. You are building up your sexual energy. You are taking part in ultimate self love and self care. Not to mention the intensity of orgasms that are born from the use of sex toys.

Why we call sex toys “life fuel” in relationships

Another wonderful perk of sex toys, is that you can use them during partnered play as well. And for many women, this is one of the only ways they can orgasm during partnered sex. Especially for women in heterosexual relationships. If you use a toy on your clitoris, like the cuddly bird for example, while your partner is fingering you, or even during penetration, this allows the external and internal clitoral structure to become engorged and aroused, leading to a clitoral, vaginal or blended orgasm.

When you have a clitoral orgasm from a toy, while a partner is fingering you or penetration is happening, this trains your brain to begin to orgasm as well from penetration- something that many women want to do and struggle with learning how to on their own.

Highway to G-spot--Come on, you almost there

As far as the g-spa goes, this is the best toy to use to find that internal orgasm. Internal, or g-spot orgasms, are best found with fingers or a hard toy with a rounded edge. The g-spa is special because it also vibrates, and the suction end can be used on the clitoris. To find your internal orgasm, I suggest using the suction end of the toy first to bring you to a clitoral orgasm, and then get some lube, and begin using the other side of the toy internally. You want to angle it in and then up one or two inches, and gently move it around until you find the spot that feels best to you. From there, turn on the vibration and use a “come hither” motion to potentially find your internal orgasm. Even if you do not orgasm, you will bring yourself immense pleasure!

Toys help us uncover new pleasure pathways in our bodies that we would have otherwise never discovered. They are designed specifically to make us feel the best our bodies can feel.

Make the most out of a session with your toys 

First of all, set aside some uninterrupted you-time. This is really important, and imperative for building a relationship with your sexuality and sexual self. Then set your space in a way that makes you happy. Make your bed, pick up clothes off the floor, light some candles, maybe get some music going. Once you feel comfortable and sensual in your space, begin to seduce yourself a little by watching or listening to something sexy, or even dancing around your room. Begin to run your fingers over your whole body, not just the sexual organs. Let your arousal build slowly. Once you feel quite turned on and calm, start using your sex toy on the lowest setting. Let the pressure build and build. If you want to edge yourself a little for a stronger orgasm, stop using the toy just before you orgasm, then start to use it again. Once you have an orgasm, take a break, take some deep breaths, and then start again with your toy perhaps on one setting higher. This is how you can achieve multiple orgasms.

When you are all done with your session, give thanks to your sexuality and your sex toy. Have fun!

Clarke Rose is a California based but internationally influenced Sex and Pleasure Coach. With a degree in gender & sexuality from Paris, and experience in a psycho-sexual therapy clinic based in Melbourne, she offers a unique look into sexuality all around the world. 

photo by: czulanaswiatlo